Tisha B’Av is the major day of communal mourning in the Jewish calendar, specifically focused on the destruction of the First (586 B.C.E.) and Second (70 C.E.) Temples in Jerusalem. This year, Tisha B’Av begins Saturday night, August 6.
In 1969, Swiss psychologist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross introduced the world to the five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. She has certainly been criticized for suggesting a linear path through grief, and for the notion that there even is a path through grief. While we now know—and maybe she knew as well—that not everyone goes through all the stages, and certainly that there is no set order or roadmap to grief, our collective experience on Tisha B’Av does—and is meant to—take us on a journey.
Noam Davidovics, writing on Sefaria.com, outlines the Book of Eicha as a perspective of grief—echoing Dr. Kubler-Ross’s teaching. In his analysis, Chapter 1 is a text of metaphorical sadness and denial, Chapter 2 is centered around anger at God, and Chapter 3 moves to personal reflection and acceptance. Chapter 4 pulls back for a detached observation, an outsider’s description of the experience. And Chapter 5, the final chapter, brings us collective grief and acceptance.
In September of 2020, as the world was reeling from the first wave of the COVID-19 pandemic, David Kessler—Dr. Kubler-Ross’s original co-author—published a new book on grief. Of his new book, “Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief,” he writes:
Many people look for “closure” after a loss. Kessler argues that it’s finding meaning beyond the stages of grief most of us are familiar with—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—that can transform grief into a more peaceful and hopeful experience.
The last words that we chant of Eicha are not the last words of the book; they are the penultimate words, words which lead us back into relationship with the Divine. From the collective grief and acceptance of the last chapter, perhaps the experience of hearing those words helps to push us—gently—towards a sixth stage, a stage of meaning-making: How will we make meaning in the next chapter in our calendar, in our relationships, and in our futures?
—Rabbi Sari Laufer