At the time when one should be joyous, be joyous; when it is time to mourn, mourn
(Midrash Genesis Rabbah 2:7)
August is a month of highs and lows. For the Jewish people, this month of Av is often associated with the mournfulness of Tisha B’Av, a time when we grieve and remember the many sorrows and injustices of our communal past. It is also a month when it is easy to feel listless in the dry heat of both California and Jerusalem. It is of course also full of back-to-school buzz. In my family, August is a month stacked with back-to-back birthday celebrations.
Today, I’m thinking of my Aunt Nancy, who passed away last summer from early-onset dementia, as it would have been her 73rd birthday. Nancy was one of those special people with a genuinely caring, selfless soul. She was a social worker by profession, literally tending to thousands of people throughout her decades-long career in Tuolumne County. She was a wonderful mother, loved shopping and movies and animals, and was simply the best company you could keep. I remember seeing her in the audience or congregation at so many of my ballet recitals, concerts, musical performances, or Shabbat services. I always knew she loved me, believed in me, and was proud of me—the type of unconditional love every person deserves from their family even though love isn’t always so lucky and perfect.
When I was thinking about Nancy’s birthday today and missing her, I remembered this sweet text from Midrash Rabbah. When we need to celebrate, we should, and when we need to grieve, we should also create space for those feelings. And we know, too, that living is not always so simple, life not always so compartmentalized. Sometimes, we can remember, be happy, and grieve all at once. Today on my aunt’s birthday, just a month after her first yahrzeit, I miss her, I mourn her loss, and I wish I could hug her again. I can also celebrate our time together and cherish the love between us that I know still exists.
This busy month of Av, before we lead into the deeply self-reflective time of Elul, may each of us make time to remember, to reflect, and to rejoice whenever we need.
Shavua tov—to a good and peaceful week ahead.
—Cantor Emma Lutz