Pride Shabbat: A Story of Lives Fulfilled at Wise
Wise members, Jordan and Adriana Golshan
Last Friday, Jordan and Adriana Golshan told their story for our special Pride Shabbat. They discussed the importance of Pride both in our Wise community, and in the larger world. Jordan grew up at Wise, from Mommy and Me classes to Wise School. Despite being openly gay for more than a decade, neither she nor her wife had ever told their story publicly before last Friday night.
June 9, 2023 | 20 Sivan, 5783
Watch this week’s video and all Shabbat sermons HERE.
Full transcript here:
Jordan:
First, let me say Shabbat Shalom to everyone here. We are honored to have been invited to speak at this Pride Shabbat, to discuss the importance and the impact of Pride in our community and our lives.
It makes me happy to see some familiar faces, and many new ones, in our sanctuary at Stephen Wise Temple. This is where my Jewish journey began, starting in mommy & me, into the day school, up to now.
When Rabbi Stern asked Adriana and me to speak today, I’ll be honest, we weren’t sure what to say. While we have both been openly gay for almost a decade, we realized neither of us has ever spoken about it in a formal setting. This is largely because we view being gay as one component of our multilayered identities – the same way we are women, Jewish, Middle Eastern. It’s just one aspect of who we are, although we must admit it probably gets more attention than some of the others.
We each had very different experiences with our journeys. I first realized I liked girls when I was very young– around 4 years old. I didn’t know what it meant, I just knew it was different. Growing up, I didn’t know any gay individuals. Not in my personal life or even really in the media. This caused a lot of confusion and frustration – I had no way to visualize my life. No clue what it could possibly look like. For years I lived in fear of what this inclination meant for me – would my family and friends still accept me? Would I ever find love? Could I lead a happy life?
At 17 years old, with these fears still nestled deep within me, I confided in my parents. While they expressed their unconditional love for me as their daughter, and made clear that nothing, especially this, could change that – they also had concerns that mirrored my own. They were afraid, like I was, that society, especially our Persian Jewish community, would not accept me. That I would face a life filled with hardship. Their reaction, while coming from a place of deep
love, confirmed my deepest fears, and I spent the next three years continuing to live a life that wasn’t truly mine.
After high school, I attended the University of Michigan. There, I joined Kappa Alpha Theta, a sorority filled with the stereotypical girly sorority girls, most of them Jewish. These felt like my people – the same type of friends I had throughout my life. However, I was constantly worried that if I ever chose to come out to them, I would lose them completely. This fear almost stopped me from joining the sorority in the first place, and it kept me distant for my entire freshman year
– holding me back from fully immersing myself in the experience.
During my sophomore year, I found the courage to openly embrace my true self and come out publicly, including to my sorority sisters. Their reaction was nothing short of extraordinary – simply because of how ordinary it was! They embraced me with open arms, they treated me exactly the same as they did each other – they asked me about my love life, gave me advice, took me shopping, all of it. I leaned into my community, moving into the sorority house and even joining the executive board. The girls I was afraid might reject me are still my best friends to this day. My parents’ first experience of me being ‘out’ was during a sorority event, and they were amazed at how accepting my friends were, despite my differences. That was a turning point for them and for me.
I cannot overstate how profoundly their acceptance shaped my life. Their unreserved love fortified my confidence and helped me embrace my true self. Reflecting on my coming-out journey, I consider this as a defining, transformative moment.
The alternative scenarios, had they reacted negatively, could have redirected my life in an entirely different direction. If they had made me feel out of place or lesser, I might have been compelled to seek acceptance in another community, one that might have embraced me, but not necessarily reflected my genuine interests or identity. The most devastating consequence, however, could have been the erosion of my self-confidence.
While my story may have centered around my experience at Michigan – the larger takeaway is the importance of acceptance within our communities.
Adriana:
Unlike Jordan, my journey of self-realization began later in life, at the age of 17. Growing up on Long Island in Great Neck, a small town with many Middle Eastern Jews like myself, I held a vision of a traditional Jewish home, where I could fully embrace my faith, culture, and traditions. However, that lifestyle felt out of reach for me. I was a member of an Orthodox temple and it was made clear that my Rabbi did not officiate LGBTQ+ weddings. I questioned whether my dream of a Jewish wedding and the home I had always envisioned for myself would ever become a reality. I feared that I would have to forge an “alternative” path, conflicting with the traditional values I had held dear.
When I met Jordan, I confided in her about my worries and fears. She then told me a story about an interaction she had with Rabbi Stern a few years prior. Rabbi Stern had officiated a wedding for two women here at Wise and received a letter of gratitude from one of their fathers. He sent that letter to Jordan’s dad Kaveh, who sent it to her.
This gesture assured us that we could create the Jewish home we had always dreamed of, surrounded by a community that would stand beside us. The weight of my concerns began to lift, replaced by excitement for the future.
As we come together to reflect on the importance of celebrating Pride within our Jewish congregation, I want to consider the significance of Pride from the viewpoint of a future mother. Today, I invite you to contemplate the immense value of Pride as we consider the world we want to create for our future children.
As someone who one day hopes to become a mother and as a member of the LGBTQ community, I hold a unique responsibility in shaping the world in which our children will grow and thrive. We have the power to influence attitudes, dismantle prejudices, and foster an inclusive society that embraces diversity in all its forms.
In celebrating Pride, we acknowledge that our future children may have diverse identities, experiences, and families. We embrace the belief that every child deserves to be celebrated, loved, and accepted for who they are. By participating in Pride, we contribute to building a world where our future children can live authentically, free from discrimination and bigotry.
Moreover, parents and future parents, we have the opportunity to shape the conversations and attitudes within our families and communities. We can foster open-mindedness, empathy, and acceptance, paving the way for a more inclusive society. By celebrating Pride, we challenge outdated notions, break down stereotypes, and foster a culture of respect and understanding for all.
Pride is not merely a celebration of who we are but also a promise to our younger generation. A promise that they will never have to feel alone, that they will see themselves represented in all walks of life, that they will always find love and acceptance within our community.
It is about celebrating uniqueness in all its forms. Every child is born with differences, and it is our responsibility as parents, mentors, and family members to teach them to embrace their differences as strengths rather than burdens and weaknesses. Pride is about being proud of every aspect of ourselves and showing love to others, regardless of how different they may be from us.
Jordan
As we stand in solidarity during this Pride Shabbat, I feel it’s important to address a current topic that’s on many people’s minds – the discussion about what is and is not appropriate to discuss in the classroom or on the bimah.
This is a sensitive subject that can evoke strong feelings on both sides. As future parents, we understand that each of us, as guardians of our children, want to ensure their safety, well-being, and innocence. We all strive to protect our children from topics we might consider too mature for their age or incompatible with our personal beliefs.
Some of us might not be comfortable with sexuality being discussed in the classroom, particularly at a young age. And I understand and respect that perspective. The beauty of our community lies in its diversity, and that includes a diversity of thoughts, beliefs, and comfort levels.
However, as we navigate these conversations, I encourage us all to remain open, respectful, and considerate of one another’s viewpoints. Let us strive to balance the need for age-appropriate content with the need for inclusivity, acceptance, and understanding.
We are not advocating for the teaching of any one way of living, but rather the acknowledgement that there are many ways to be a family, many ways to love, and many ways to be human. Just as every one of you wishes to protect your children, so too do Adriana and I.
We dream of a future where our children can attend Wise without feeling alienated, where they can be proud of their family, just as their peers are. Representation in schools is crucial for families like ours. When children see their family structure reflected in their educational environment, it validates their identities and fosters inclusivity. It dispels stereotypes, promotes empathy, and creates a safe and supportive space for all students.
To accomplish this, it is important that we engage in open, productive discussions to decide as a community what we are comfortable with and how we can best educate our children about the diverse world they inhabit.
In the end, our shared goal is to raise our children in a loving, understanding community enriched by our Jewish values.
Together, let’s create a world where our children are prepared to empathize with and appreciate all kinds of people, equipping them to create a more accepting and inclusive society in the future.
I often wonder what 10-year-old Jordan would think if she saw my life today. I wonder about the comfort it would have brought her – all the fears that could have been put to rest knowing that I will end up having everything in my life that I could ever want. That I would be embraced with so much love by my friends and family, that I would find my soulmate who would meet all the criteria I ever wanted and more, that I would be honored by my community and given the
opportunity to contribute through leadership.
Adriana and I accepted the opportunity to speak here today, and reach out to our community, in hopes that it can provide that comfort to the next 10 year old who may need it. Thank you.