Yesterday our youngest daughter graduated from high school. Of course, it was a moment of great joy and satisfaction. After years of hard work in six schools across two continents (we moved to Israel when Naomi was beginning kindergarten and moved here to Los Angeles at the start of third grade), our baby girl is a young woman, prepared to spread her wings and fly off to university in the fall. Along with the great sense of pride we feel, there is also a touch of sadness in such moments. We are, after all, witnessing the closing of a chapter in her life that has been enormously meaningful to witness and share in as parents.
This week’s Torah portion offers some guidance for moments such as these: “The Eternal spoke to Moses saying, ‘Speak to Aaron and say to him, “When you light (בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ—beha’alotcha) the lamps, let the seven lamps give light at the front of the menorah.”‘” (Numbers 8:1-2) The commentators point out the unusual use of the word beha’alotcha, which literally means: “when you cause the light to go up.” One would expect the text to say, “when you kindle the lamps.” Why does the Torah use the word beha’alotcha, the root of which is aliya—to go up?
Here’s how the great medieval sage, Rashi, explains it: “Scripture understands the act of kindling in the sense of going up because, [in order to light a lamp], one must kindle it until the flame goes up the wick by itself.”
If you light the wick properly, the flame can continue to burn on its own; it doesn’t require your constant energy and attention to remain lit.
This is the job of a parent: to light the flame of curiosity, inquiry, and—ultimately—responsibility in such a way that the child no longer needs the constant support and supervision of the parent in order to navigate and—we hope—improve the world.
To all of the parents, grandparents, caregivers, and family members celebrating high school and college graduations, I wish you a hearty “mazel tov.” We have—collectively—accomplished the task of kindling the lamp of knowledge so that our beloved young adults will bring light, understanding, creativity, compassion, justice, and love into the world.
May they—and may we all—go up from strength to strength.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Yoshi