I was in New York this past Sunday, cheering my oldest daughter Isa on, as she ran in her second New York City marathon. The NYC marathon is an amazing opportunity to celebrate: people coming together from all over the world to pursue the shared goal of completing the race; the fans come out to cheer everyone on, including runners with different abilities and wheelchair athletes as well. The best of humanity is on display.
This year, I saw many runners wearing Israeli flags on their singlets (including my Israeli-American daughter) and a few people running with “Bring Them Home” shirts reminding us of the great mitzvah of pidyon sh’vuim (“returning the captives”).
The next day, I saw a different side of humanity.
It began with an interview of Gary Grappo, former ambassador to Oman and a true expert on the MIddle East. Gary and his wife Becky became our friends when we lived in Jerusalem — he was working for Tony Blair at the time as part of the Quartet. He has generously shared his expertise with our community over the years, speaking about the Iran Deal in 2015, Russia’s invasion of Ukraine in 2019, and now, Hamas’s bloody terrorist attack on Israel on October 7.
A few hours after my Zoom interview with him, I sat on a crosstown bus with my youngest daughter, Naomi, a sophomore studying Jewish studies and psychology at JTS/Barnard. On the bus, I shared some of Ambassador Grappo’s insights with my daughter, including his thoughts about proportionality in the current Israel-Hamas war. Ambassador Grappo pointed out that war is inevitably messy, all the more so when fighting in such a densely populated area. He further noted that this war was most definitively not one that was started by Israel; with 242 hostages held by Hamas and more than 1,400 innocents slaughtered, it is a war that Israel would be expected (as any sovereign nation would) to fight with great urgency and determination.
When we reached the next stop, a woman standing near us turned to me and said, “You are a disgusting person,” and then quickly walked off the bus. Naomi and I stared at each other in disbelief.
Now, I understand that there can be disagreement about the current crisis in Israel. One might disagree about Israeli military tactics, about proportionality, about the current Israeli government, about Israel’s policies in Gaza or the West Bank. Most Israelis I know spent the last 10 months disagreeing vehemently with many of those ideas.
But to declare a complete stranger “disgusting,” crosses a line that I find deeply disturbing in a civil society. We need disagreement–it can help us to sharpen our own thinking, it can inspire us to think more critically about our own biases and assumptions, it can even shift our thinking on a question or topic. But “disgusting” is not a disagreement, and it moves us into dangerous territory. As one of my teachers, Professor Moshe Halbertal, once taught, disgust is a necessary emotional step on the path to annihilation. In order to justify the deportation, incarceration, or killing of others — especially entire populations — one must view them as disgusting, as vermin that then need to be exterminated. I was, and am still, shaken by that encounter, about being seen as not human in that moment.
We got off the bus one stop later, and as we waited for Naomi’s friends to meet us, we saw people, our people, walking down Amsterdam Avenue with Israeli flags in hand. They were coming from a large gathering marking the end of the shloshim (the 30-day period of mourning) for the victims of the October 7 attack. Still unsettled from my bus encounter, I said loudly, “am Yisrael chai.” One person turned to me, gave me a friendly look and then asked if I wanted one of the flags he was carrying. He handed it to me and went on his way.
In moments of hatred and isolation, I find such strength and meaning in community. Yes, there are people who hate us irrationally, who deny our pain, who seek to find ways to blame us for our own victimization and then erase it by denying that it even happened. It’s maddening and infuriating and even frightening.
But we are not alone. We have our People and we have many, many good-hearted allies as well. I returned to LA from that ugly encounter on the crosstown bus to find the most beautiful letter waiting for me from a complete stranger, Father Marinello Saguin of Our Lady of Grace Parish in Encino.
“I would like to express my solidarity, support, and prayers for the end of the war in Israel. I assure you not only of my prayers, but the prayers of my whole faith community at Our Lady of Grace Church. The news of the war broke our hearts and we received it with great sorrow, as we consider the Jewish community our fellow brothers and sisters. We mourn with you. We stand by you… Rabbi, we are with you during these dark days in which the House of Israel is under attack. May the God of Peace convert the hearts of the attackers and have mercy on all the innocent people suffering this war.”
We are not alone. Yes, there are those who seek our destruction. Those who are apathetic. Those who are misinformed and misguided. But there are many, many more who stand in solidarity with us, who care for us, and who deplore all acts of barbarity and terror.
May the One who makes peace in the heavens, make peace for us, for all Israel and for all peoples.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Yoshi