If you ask any rabbi or cantor, they will tell you that one of the most gratifying parts of their jobs is seeing their students’ growth through the b’nai mitzvah process. As a cantorial intern, a lot of my time is spent teaching these students as they study to become Bat or Bar Mitzvah, and sometimes I am fortunate enough to lead the service itself, where I get to witness firsthand the culmination of all their hard work and preparation. Regardless of how much of the service is led by my students, how proficient they are in Hebrew, or of how well they sing, chant, or speak, when it is all over, each of them will be seen as equal members of the Jewish community. Each of them will be considered an adult, with all the rights and responsibilities thereof.
I remind my students that having a bar or bat mitzvah is not about performance: It is not an exam, it is not graded, and it should not be compared to others. It is an opportunity to finish an adult project for the first time in their lives, and beyond that, a chance to take an active part in their people’s tradition, one which stretches back thousands of years.
This week’s Torah portion, Parshat Vayishlach, tells us the story of how Jacob’s nightlong wrestling match with an angel transformed him into the person that we are collectively named after: Yisrael. I think most of my students’ parents would agree that the process of preparing for a bar or bat mitzvah is very much like a wrestling match: My students must simultaneously grapple with scheduling, fight against procrastination, fend off distractions, organize appointments, set priorities, maintain a social life, and do all of it in the face of a looming deadline—something we do each and every day as adults, but which many of my students are doing for the first time.
We are also proud to see our students wrestling—as Jacob did—with the Divine. They wrestle with the text—its pronunciation and its meaning. We hope they wrestle with the prayers; not just how to pronounce them, but why we say them. And, we ask them to wrestle with their Torah portion; we want them to understand what a more than 3,000-year-old text might have to teach them in their 21st century lives.
Just like it was for Jacob, the wrestling involved in becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is worth it in the end. I can remember the feeling of being done with my bar mitzvah ceremony and thinking, “That’s over, now what? What do I need to accomplish next? What more can I do?” Very few 13-year-olds take on anything that takes six months to a year of preparation. My bar mitzvah, for the first time in my life, showed me that I was able to do something I never thought I could do. That feeling of relief and satisfaction mixed with excited anticipation is something I wish for each of my students upon the completion of their service. This particular wrestling match may be over, but their life as a Jewish adult—as a Bar or Bat Mitzvah—is just beginning.
—Cantorial Intern Andrew Paskil