Judaism acknowledges virtually every aspect of the human condition. It helps us to celebrate life’s best moments and gives guidance at times of need. Often, our greatest time of need is when we experience the loss of someone we love.
Our tradition helps us to deal with such loss with grace and dignity, giving us ways to acknowledge our pain as well as a roadmap to re-enter the world. This week, Rabbi Woznica shares some of the uplifting wisdom of our tradition.
Shiva: How to Observe and Why Many Find it Meaningful
Shiva is the seven-day period of mourning observed if your relationship to the deceased loved one is spouse, mother, father, sister, brother, son or daughter. There are many teachings about shiva: Mourners are not supposed to shave, wear leather shoes, have marital relations, or launder their clothes. Traditionally, mourners stay home and sit on low stools. From the day of burial, shiva concludes the morning seven days later. For example, if the burial is on Tuesday, shiva ends the following Monday morning.
It’s noteworthy that the Shabbat occurring during shiva, while counted, is not a day of mourning.
During the week of shiva, daily prayer services, which include the Mourner’s Kaddish, are conducted at the family home, and the community is invited.
There is a tradition when attending a house where shiva is being observed. One is to enter quietly, acknowledge the mourner(s), but not initiate the conversation. Rather, it is left to the mourner to speak first so we follow their lead. If the mourner wishes to speak about the deceased, then we speak about the deceased. If they prefer to speak about another topic, we engage appropriately.
Loss triggers many emotions; often including that of loneliness. Among the biggest gifts of shiva is that the mourner has a community to help sustain them. Indeed, having others to support you through your grief creates a lasting and beautiful memory.
Rabbi David Woznica
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