It is said that the Gates of Repentance, the Sha’arei Teshuvah, open during the High Holy Days. Maimonides, the famed medieval philosopher, taught extensively on teshuvah, making clear that repentance was not a one-time act, but rather an intricate process. According to his teaching, there are six steps to what he calls “complete repentance”: Recognition, Remorse, Recitation, Restitution, Reconciliation, and Resolve. Throughout these High Holy Days, our kavanot, taken from our High Holy Day worship supplement, “Days of Awe” (available at our High Holy Day services and online by clicking HERE) will consist of reflections from your clergy on each of these six steps.
Reconciliation
by Rabbi David Woznica
The fifth step in Maimonides’ road to teshuva (repentance) is reconciliation.
Until now, many of the steps have been focused on the needs of the one who sinned. Now we turn to the person against whom we sinned, intending to restore our relationship.
We began with genuine remorse, made restitution, and now, acknowledging our sin specifically, we request forgiveness. This step is vital, as the relationship is unlikely to move ahead without asking for forgiveness. If you are the aggrieved party, it’s essential to recognize that it takes courage for someone to approach you, acknowledge the sin, and ask forgiveness.
Indeed, we often gain respect for someone who does so. Therefore, if you are hesitant about asking forgiveness, keep in mind, there’s a good chance you will engender respect from the other person.
It is also difficult to grant forgiveness. We may question the sincerity of the request, our anger may be our overriding emotion, or it may not be the first time this person has committed this sin. Now is the time to put ourselves in the other’s shoes. Remember, it is not easy to ask.
Even if you doubt the person’s sincerity (though we should assume sincerity), it’s important to remember they took the initiative to ask for forgiveness. And your granting forgiveness may very well bring you peace of mind and allow your relationship to mend and grow.
Forgiveness is a gift. While the Jewish people did not invent it, the Torah (Leviticus Chapter 16) gives us a path toward its achievement and Maimonides provides us with a vehicle to guide us along the way.