This week’s Torah portion is Yitro (Exodus 18:1-20:23) which contains the Ten Commandments. Each day, a member of the Wise clergy will share their insights on one of the commandments.

כַּבֵּ֥ד אֶת־אָבִ֖יךָ וְאֶת־אִמֶּ֑ךָ לְמַ֙עַן֙ יַאֲרִכ֣וּן יָמֶ֔יךָ עַ֚ל הָאֲדָמָ֔ה אֲשֶׁר־יְהוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ נֹתֵ֥ן לָֽךְ׃

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be lengthened on the land that the ETERNAL your God is assigning to you.” (Exodus 20:12)

The Torah commands us twice to honor our parents (here and in Deuteronomy) and once to revere them (in Leviticus). The Rabbis of the Talmud explain what it means in practical terms to fulfill these mitzvot. Honoring our parents requires us to ensure that they have enough to eat and drink, that they have clothing and shelter, and by “taking them in and out”—helping them to run errands and get out of the house from time to time. Revering them includes not contradicting our parents publicly and not “standing or sitting in their place.”

The Talmud describes these mitzvot as the hardest to fulfill (חמורה שבחמורות). The rabbis understood that caring for our parents can be a challenging reversal, difficult for them to accept at times and challenging for us to give as we find ourselves stretched with the demands of our careers or caring for children of our own. (I recognize that not all of us still have parents or in-laws to care for, careers to worry about, or children of our own.)

This time of global pandemic has made the fulfilment of this commandment particularly challenging. How are we to care for our aging parents when we are advised not to come into their presence? How can we take them in and out when we have to stay at least six feet apart? How can we fully honor and revere our parents at such a time?

These past ten months have forced many of us to try to honor our parents or in-laws in different ways: helping them navigate Zoom so we can see their faces, having groceries delivered to their homes, making sure they have what they need during times of scarcity including toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and disinfectant wipes.

Do we really need a mitzvah, though, to inspire us to care for our aging parents? Isn’t this something that comes naturally? As our parents cared for us and provided for us when we were infants and children, as they advised us and guided us, aren’t we impelled to do the same when their time of need arises? Our tradition doesn’t make such an assumption. It understands that life sometimes gets in the way, that we can feel stretched and depleted, or that relationships can fray, creating an emotional distance that makes it easy to avoid doing the right thing. And so our tradition commands us repeatedly, even incentivizing us with a reward: our days will be lengthened—we will be blessed with longer (and hopefully more meaningful and rewarding) lives.

It can be hard to honor our parents—especially in a time like this. Our tradition reminds us that (challenging as it may be) it is what we are called to do, it is what we must do, now and always.

— Rabbi Yoshi Zweiback