As we at Wise commit ourselves to creating a community that embraces all those who seek to call Wise home, it’s incumbent upon all of us to truly open our hearts to those who walk different paths. The stories that will appear this week are from cherished Wise families (some of them, community leaders) who might have felt marginalized in the past but have found a home at Wise. In our own tribute to Reverend Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy, we celebrate our diversity and recognize that all of us are uplifted by the rich mosaic of perspectives brought to us by our multifaceted community.
The Story of Ziba Ramin and Greyson Terrio
by Ziba Ramin
I am a first-generation Iranian Jewish woman who was brought to the United States at one month old. The story goes something like this …
In 1978, my father was a general surgeon, the Chief of Surgery at Tehran Hospital, and the founder of Tehran’s Day Hospital. My parents were rooted in Iran with a promising future, support, and the love of their community, and were soon to welcome their third child—me. The day my mother went into labor, she saw hundreds of protestors and cars blocking the roads on her way to the hospital. It was the beginning of the end of the Shah of Iran’s rule. Ultimately, that meant an uncertain and dangerous future for the Jewish people of Iran. One short month later, my family boarded a flight to the U.S. under the guise of taking a summer vacation. We never returned. The U.S. became our permanent home.
My father spent the next eight years learning English in order to pass the TOEFL exams and becoming a medical school resident at the University of California at San Francisco as my mom struggled to find her footing in a new country.
As we became integrated into American Jewish life, I was the first woman in my family to become a Bat Mitzvah. It was one of the most impactful Jewish experiences of my life, and I can vividly recall the pride in my grandfather’s face. We joined the Wise community the following year, and eventually I went to Stephen Wise Community School (now Milken Community Schools) for high school.
I feel exceptionally rooted at Wise. There weren’t many non-white or ethnically diverse students or temple members at the time. Things have certainly shifted. As time went by and we got to know the clergy, Rabbi Stern became what we in our family affectionately call him, “OUR family Rabbi!”
I remember calling Rabbi Stern with so much excitement to tell him Greyson had proposed, and that I was finally ready to be married. He picked up the phone and beat me to it, “I hear Mazel Tov is in order! I already know you’re engaged!” Boy! Word gets around Wise quickly! We laughed and he invited us to meet at his office. Warm and welcoming as always, Rabbi Stern asked some tough, poignant, and thoughtful questions of us: Do you plan to start a family? Will you be raising them in a Jewish home?
You see, Greyson was not raised in a Jewish home, and though he has no religious affiliations he does have a sense of spirituality. Up until he met me, he had little sense of the Jewish story. He had no idea what it meant to be from a people who are persecuted and hated around the world. He didn’t know what it meant to “feel Jewish.” He didn’t understand my need to have a passport ready and a plan for where to move in case Jews were ever forced—by law or by violence—to leave the country . He has never felt marginalized in any way. He is a white CISmale. On the other hand, I’m a non-white (though I am definitely white-passing) female political refugee who is—above all else—Jewish, religiously and ethnically, to my core. It is something I feel deeply and is hard to put into words.
Greyson and I had already decided we would raise our future children in a religiously, culturally, and ethnically Jewish home. I often had wondered what that would look like and feel like for Greyson. In our home, in our temple, and among my family, he would be “the Other.” While we were dating, I threw him into the deep end: He came to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur services with my family at Wise. Not only did he try to follow along as best he could, but he also fasted on his own accord.
Now we have two toddlers: Elon is in the Hebrew Immersion program at Aaron Milken Center at Wise, and Ellery will be starting soon. Greyson and I frequent Tot Shabbats and High Holy Day services with our kids. We have never been asked about our different upbringings, or our ethnic or religious differences. In that way, our experience at Wise has been unremarkable, but to us, that’s a good thing. There is no pressure on me to be a certain type of Jew and there is no pressure on him to answer probing or intrusive questions. I have felt a deep connection to my Wise community ever since I was a young teenager, a connection that grew even stronger after my father’s passing.. As time passes and our family becomes even more integrated into the Wise community, I see Greyson truly embracing his role as a partner in raising our Jewish children to live a Jewish life.