Beyn ha-Metzarim: Responding to Life’s Challenges
If only we could promise our loved ones a life free of trouble and suffering. What parent has not wished to smooth the road before their child to minimize the painful moments of childhood and adolescence? What spouse or beloved sibling hasn’t dreamed of waving a hand to make a loved one’s pain disappear? Unfortunately, one only needs to live for a short while to discover that hardship and challenge are as much a part of human existence as all the joys and triumphs we experience along the way.
I was recently called to the bedside of a gravely ill person to offer prayers with the other members of their family. As we prepared to speak our prayers, I offered this insight to those gathered at the bedside: “I wish I could promise you a miracle, but that is usually not the way our world works. What I can offer you is the capacity of prayer to express our hopes and anxieties in one breath, to remind us that we can hold two sometimes-conflicting emotions in our hearts, and—through prayer—to affirm your love.”
The outcome of this person’s situation remains unknown, but I do believe in the transformative power of our experiences. We have the capacity to be more than we are after we pass through tribulations. When this person recovers (as we all hope with every fiber of our being), the family will have the opportunity to turn their time of pain into a rebirth of sorts. They can (and will) offer more to the world because of what they’ve learned and experienced.
I believe that this is the personal meaning that comes out of Judaism’s willingness to turn the historical times of suffering into holy days, even as much as we celebrate our victories. We have Hanukkah and Tisha B’Av. Sukkot and Yom HaShoah. Just as our tradition flourished and was transformed in exile and under the thumb of persecution, so too can we, as individuals, seek to turn our times of pain into opportunities for transformation. The most important question we can ask ourselves is not: “Why did this happen to me or my loved one?” because that answer usually eludes us, but rather, “Now that this has happened, what have I learned and how can I be a better human being?”
—Rabbi Ron Stern