Driving home recently, my children noticed a beautiful sliver of moon and asked about it. As I have noted before, I did not expect my rabbinical training to come with a side of astronomy, but a quick calculation of Rosh Chodesh Av—the beginning of a new month—easily answered their question, and to their surprise, I could even tell them when we could expect a full moon (tonight, btw).
Because, of course, we are at heart a lunar people: Our months and festivals marked by the moon’s waxing and waning. And while tonight’s holiday is not a major one, it—like Passover and Sukkot—always falls on the full moon.
If we do read Tu B’Av through the lens of romantic love—or even lust—it might make sense. Many ancient cultures associated the moon with fertility; a 2021 study of women’s menstrual cycles may actually back up the ancient idea. Charlotte Helfrich-Förster, a chronobiologist at Julius-Maximilians University of Würzburg in Germany is the lead author of the study. She says that she was initially “skeptical” of this link, but, “On the other hand,” she says, “it is very interesting that the [menstrual] cycle length is more or less the moon cycle length, and it’s known from many studies that animals—at least marine organisms—rely on the moon for synchronizing their reproduction.”
In yesterday’s kavanah, I asked why the women went out into the fields and danced, positing that there could be any number of reasons. I still hold that to be true, but must confess that the rabbis imagine a more pointed—and obvious—idea: “The daughters of the Jewish people would go out and dance in the vineyards. A tanna taught: One who did not have a wife would turn to there to find one.” (Babylonian Talmud, Ta’anit 31a). It was, in this reading, a mating ritual, pure and simple.
But, there is a spiritual dimension to this lunar link as well, a lesson to be learned about how to be in a relationship. Rabbi Levi Cunin teaches that “the moon’s cycle naturally expresses humility and at times invisibility. Its very way in which it occurs denotes a lesson of not being consumed with its own ego. Indeed this is lesson #1 in relationships: Be humble and be powerful enough to know when to defer.”
Perhaps the lesson to the daughters of Israel in the vineyard—and to all of us—is to take the space we deserve, and find a partner—romantic or otherwise—who fills the rest for us.
—Rabbi Sari Laufer
