Truly one of the great opportunities given to clergy are the times that we guide someone who is choosing to become Jewish. Julia Mengpei came to me with her then-boyfriend (now husband) Zack seeking to explore the path to gaining a Jewish identity. With Zack’s encouragement and support, and several months into her pregnancy, Julia will fully embrace Judaism in the next few weeks. Her story is particularly inspirational, and, with her permission, I’d like to share a few passages from an essay she wrote with you.
—Rabbi Ron Stern
As a product of China’s one-child policy and under the influence of patriarchal and Confucian traditional culture, my grandparents didn’t appreciate the fact that I was born a girl, my grandma refused to babysit me without financial incentives, and I was always told that I could have done better … Zack’s childhood experience with his mother was very different from mine. My decision to convert was in part to honor Zack’s memory of his late mother Suzie, and a hope to create a connection between myself and mama Suzie.
I had a childhood where my mother was mostly absent. My dad abused me and is now completely out of the picture. My extended family on both sides fell apart over financial disputes. My mother moved overseas when I was in elementary school, and I left my hometown at 17. Since then, the concept of family became something I longed for but seemed unattainable, until I met Zack. I hope my conversion to Judaism shows my commitment to our young family, and paves the way for our children to be recognized by the Jewish community, an environment built upon shared value and appreciation of Jewish roots and values.
My motivation to convert has, however, evolved. As I started learning more about Reform Judaism, I found a genuine sense of belonging in the Jewish community. I am drawn to the inclusive and progressive values shared among the members of our temple. Reform Judaism’s emphases on gender equality, social justice, and the importance of questioning and interpreting religious texts based on modern world implications are invigorating to me. My parents followed two separate religions. Their conflicts due to intolerances of religious differences used to make me feel reluctant, if not resistant, to choose a religion for myself. The inclusive and welcoming environment offered by our Jewish community has been truly refreshing for me.
Moreover, I find myself more connected to Judaism through the shared experience of immigration and the pursuit of freedom. The story of the Exodus from Egypt is a powerful reminder of resilience and perseverance of the Jewish people in the face of adversity. When I first moved to Hong Kong on my own at the age of 17, I did not know any Cantonese and had to battle the discrimination that many people from Hong Kong hold against mainland Chinese. I struggled to pay the high tuition fees so I worked much harder than my peers for scholarships and got part-time jobs to support myself. I finished undergrad as the valedictorian, but working in the male-dominated construction industry, I had to overcome many biases and harassments in order to succeed.
A more important core value of Judaism that deeply resonates with me is the emphasis on giving back to the community. I genuinely appreciate how tikkun olam, the Jewish concept of “repairing the world,” is deeply ingrained in the Jewish tradition and education from a young age. There were many moments of my previous life that I questioned the purpose of my existence, especially when I felt left behind and helpless. I was very fortunate that when I turned 20, I had a mentor who asked me one of the most important questions of my life: “What do you want to leave behind for this world?” Making a positive impact in the community brought a sense of purpose to my life and has since become the guiding principle of the many life decisions I made.
Overall, conversion to Judaism not only strengthens my connection to Zack and the Jewish community, but I also see it as an opportunity to receive more guidance and create growth in my personal and professional life. As an excited and nervous mother-to-be, I would love to draw upon the rich wisdom and traditions the faith has to offer, to instill strong moral values such as empathy and compassion in my future children.
Witnessing the perspective of one who looks into Judaism from another identity and chooses to join us is both inspirational and a potent reminder of the incredible legacy that has been placed in our hands.
—Rabbi Ron Stern