It is said that the Gates of Repentance, the Sha’arei Teshuvah, open during the High Holy Days. Maimonides, the famed medieval philosopher, taught extensively on teshuvah, making clear that repentance was not a one-time act, but rather an intricate process. According to his teaching, there are six steps to what he calls “complete repentance”: Recognition, Remorse, Recitation, Restitution, Reconciliation, and Resolve. Throughout these High Holy Days, our kavanot, taken from our High Holy Day worship supplement, “Days of Awe” (available at our High Holy Day services and online by clicking HERE) will consist of reflections from your clergy on each of these six steps.
Remorse
by Rabbi Josh Knobel
.רָאוּי לוֹ לִבְכּוֹת וּלְקוֹנֵן עַל חֲטָאָיו וְעַל מַה שֶּׁעָשָׂה לְנַפְשׁוֹ וּגְמָלָהּ רָעָה
It is fitting that one should cry and lament their sin, as well as what they did to their soul by repaying [its purity] with evil.
—Mishneh Torah Repentance 5:2
According to the medieval sage, Maimonides, once we recognize transgression, the next step toward teshuvah, repentance, is remorse—the pain that results from acknowledging the full scope and consequences of our transgression, not just for the world, but also for ourselves. Remorse awakens us to the damage we have wrought in the world, as well as the damage we have wrought upon our souls by steering them away from their intended journey toward the amazing people we are all meant to become. As such, remorse calls upon us to mend not only the world, but also ourselves.
For instance, should we recognize that we have transgressed by lashing out at another, either with an errant word of anger or dismissive silence, our subsequent remorse results in two realizations: First, we have caused unnecessary pain for another human being that we must repair. Second, we don’t want to be that person, and we must take steps to ensure that we don’t become that person.
Too often, however, we confuse remorse with shame, the pain we feel when we become conscious of our shortcomings. Unlike remorse, which focuses upon behaviors, shame targets us as people, sowing the seeds of self-doubt, selfloathing, hopelessness, and despair. Unfortunately, shame may be used callously or errantly as a weapon against others, causing them to question their own worthiness, and shame may, in fact, become an obstacle to teshuvah by causing us to doubt that we deserve the opportunity for forgiveness. However, as Cantor Lutz suggested, in order to repent, we must recognize our worthiness even as we feel remorse for our transgressions. As humans, we fail. We err. We mess up. But we always remain worthy of love—from God, from the world, and from ourselves. We all deserve the opportunity for teshuvah. We all can repent and, in so doing, give the very best of our amazing, pure souls to the world, to those we love, and to ourselves