A young student once asked Rabbi Hillel to teach them all of Torah while standing on one foot. Hillel responded plainly: “What is hateful to you, you should not do to another person. The rest is commentary, now go and learn it!” Many religious traditions have interpreted these words as the Golden Rule—do unto others what we would have done to us—when indeed, that is not exactly Rabbi Hillel’s interpretation. He suggests instead for us to consider what we would not want done or said to us, a general rule against any acerbity in our interactions with others.
I am reminded often of this sweet teaching these days. At seven months pregnant with our second baby, it is impossible to ignore the physical manifestation of blessing that is growing within me. And with this growing gift, many people share with me what are almost always well-meaning remarks about my current state of being or my appearance that sometimes actually hurt my feelings. I wonder, when these comments are made, if others would also not want these words spoken to them. What might our world, our schools, our community be like if, before speaking, people were to more deeply consider what they would (or would not) want to hear themselves? For me, personally, it would be so much nicer to be asked, “How are you feeling?” or “Is there anything you need?” in place of hearing inferences that sting or expectations that are heavy. I’m trying to think more consistently about the words I choose in interactions with others before I speak, making a more conscious effort not to say words that I would not want said to me. No one is perfect, but Hillel’s teaching can always be a sound guide for us, and God willing, I will use it as a tool to help guide my daughters as they navigate their own relationships.
May we always be curious about the needs and feelings of others without crossing boundaries we ourselves would not want crossed. May we offer blessings and stay curious. May we remember Hillel’s simple but wise teaching, speaking from a place of kindness and personal connection instead of assumption. As we head into the deeply reflective month of Elul, may we continue to work toward always thinking, speaking, and acting from a place of goodness to those around us as well as to ourselves.
—Cantor Emma Lutz