צוּף־דְּ֭בַשׁ אִמְרֵי־נֹ֑עַם מָת֥וֹק לַ֝נֶּ֗פֶשׁ וּמַרְפֵּ֥א לָעָֽצֶם׃
Encouraging words are like a honey,
Sweet to the soul and a cure for the body
—Proverbs 16:24
These days, my life is managed by a busy and adorable 2-year-old whose routines and moods are the ebb and flow of our household rhythm. A few weeks ago, I noticed her repeating after me when I was constantly apologizing for small things. She was such a beautiful mirror for me as I realized that she was perfectly mimicking apologizing for every little misstep, even down to putting the wrong marker on the wrong color. Of course, I want her to learn her colors correctly, but I don’t want her to pick up that she has to apologize for something so insignificant as mismatching a marker.
So lately, I am consciously working on being more thoughtful about how I speak around and to her. I don’t apologize unless it is for something significant. Instead of calling her a “good girl” for making progress, I tell her that I notice how hard she is working on learning to put her shoes on by herself. If I tell her she looks pretty with her hair in a cute style (done expertly by her dad), I add that I also appreciate how kind, thoughtful, and smart she is. And, of course, being the astute sponge that she is, she models all of these words to me: “Eema, I see how hard you’re working on making my breakfast! Eema, I like when you read books to me and do silly voices. Eema, I love you so much.” I hear her speaking to me the way I want her to speak to herself and others—with kindness and patience and with a real sense of being seen and understood. I’ll never model this perfectly, but it feels really good trying, and hearing her sweet responses.
Our words carry so much weight and have the power to create such a meaningful impact in the lives of those with whom we connect. All day every day, we have the opportunity to increase our well-being and create goodness for ourselves and others. The simplest kind and thoughtful word expressed can make all the difference in someone’s life. Today, where can you use a kind word to emphasize the positive and shut the door on something negative, deflating, or unhelpful? As the wisdom of Proverbs reminds us, may we speak sweetly to ourselves and to others, creating a kinder and more loving home, community, and world.
—Cantor Emma Lutz