It’s the height of wedding season in Los Angeles. Though we are a year-round wedding venue, there’s something about spring that calls out for nuptials. As congregational clergy, we often perform weddings for families that have long been a part of our community. The longer we serve in our professions, the more likely it is that we’ll have officiated at a B’nai Mitzvah (or even a naming) and then be asked to officiate at that same young person’s wedding. Very often, we’ll have been with the same family upon the death of a grandparent, or other tragedy. Fortunately, it’s more likely that we’ll also have shared other memorable moments. Perhaps family members have served as temple leadership, perhaps they attend our many classes, perhaps we’ve just schmoozed after services, perhaps our families have connected in one way or another. It’s quite magical to share so many life moments as a clergyperson and then stand with a young couple as they begin their lives together.
Early in my career, I trained to do premarital counseling as part of the wedding process. Using a special inventory offered by a long-established assessment agency, we review several important parameters associated with marital success. Working with couples, learning about their dynamics, their needs and wants is deeply meaningful. More often than not, I’m inspired by the strength of their relationships and the healthy dynamic that foretells a long, successful life together. As we explore the questions of building a Jewish identity as a couple, I learn so much about what inspires and engages their generation. I hope to bring them insights from our tradition in ways that integrate into their modern lives.
Along the way, we discuss the wedding ceremony. The beauty of our Reform tradition is that we offer flexibility. Rather than demanding that the couple conform to a particular uncompromising ritual, we work together to create a wedding ceremony that reflects the partners. Words can be changed, prayers modified, traditions can be upheld or reconfigured. The result is a truly unique experience that the couple embraces as their own.
As I’ve aged, I’ve come to understand that I’ve much to learn from these young couples, even as I assume the role of teacher and guide. Along with my colleagues, I know that our deep interactions with couples beginning their lives together uplifts and inspires us, and is truly one of the blessings of our careers.
—Rabbi Ron Stern